i think its true that your parents relationship affects your perspective on relationships and how you act when you’re in one. people always tell me that you cant let what you saw growing up decide for you but its not like you’re letting it decide for you its just that your parents relationship is the only real relationship that you’ve ever actually been apart of so how can you not let that affect how you think or act when it comes to your own. i mean yea i guess that if you had a real fucked up childhood with parents arguing all the time you’d want the complete opposite but most of the time the people who’ve had the most fucked up home situations growing up end up repeating the same shit as their parents and i know that for a fact. there of course are those who “better themselves” or whatever but for the most part people practice what they’ve been taught. well not necessarily taught but thats what you saw during your prime learning period so its definitely sticking with your for life. i personally want the complete opposite of my parents but i highly doubt that its really going to happen since its like embedded in me to not trust men and do everything in my power to prove that they’re not worth my time and how i deserve better. its not only your parents relationship that affects you when it comes to your own either its everybody’s around you too. if you see that only 1 in every 5 relationships are successful and have 100% committed partners then that definitely makes you doubt a lot of shit. like how can you really be with one person for the rest of your life. yea great you love them and if you love someone you’ll do whatever for them and stay with them forever but shit lets be realistic here. theres billions of people on this planet half of which we’ll never see, how the hell are you telling me you’re just going to spend the rest of your life with one of these out of these billions of people all because of an emotional attachment that you have to them? idk it just seems weird to me maybe it all just ties back to the whole fuck men and be selfish mentality i was taught to have but still i know im not the only one thinking like this cus come on now get real
“Baby stay with me
Let me know that you’ll never leave
You don’t have to be alone
Take my heart and let it be your own.”
It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, but I think tonight it is much needed.
I’m at the point where life is chaotic and raw. It’s a confusing stage really. My inner battle with myself is stronger than ever and I’m having a difficult time trying to figuring it all out. I really just want inner peace with myself, but it’s so damn hard… I feel like I’m being torn in two. My thoughts are clouded and are too hard to decipher through anymore. I just feel more lost than ever.. Withdrawing from everything and everyone. Taking on too much just to keep myself busy, but is that really the only way I can handle it? I honestly don’t know anymore. I’m stuck in the same mundane routine and just living life on auto pilot.
I don’t know. I don’t know. None of this shit makes sense anymore.
One of Those Nights - Juicy J feat. The Weeknd
Well, this has gotta be the longest crush ever.
If I ever got to fuck..it’d be the longest bust ever.